Interview with Alem Magazine
Leonie Mellinger, effective speaking coach, quit acting and set her heart on improving people’s communication skills
I enjoyed a wonderful acting career, portraying interesting characters, and thought I would be an actress for the rest of my life. Then one day, I realised I wanted to do more. I decided acting alone for the rest of my life wasn’t going to make me happy. I thought, I have to find another field where I can put my skills to good use.
I enjoyed a wonderful acting career, portraying interesting characters, and thought I would be an actress for the rest of my life. Then one day, I realised I wanted to do more. I decided acting alone for the rest of my life wasn’t going to make me happy. I thought, I have to find another field where I can put my skills to good use. At that point, someone who was having difficulty in speaking effectively asked for my help and I worked with them. I realised there could be other people who needed such help, and I thought “maybe, in addition to acting, I can teach people how to perform themselves and communicate with impact”.
Having received an education from the Central School of Speech and Drama, a prestigious school in London, Leonie Mellinger began her acting career with “Sons and Lovers”, broadcasted by the BBC. She had the chance to co-star in “Memoirs of a Survivor” with Julie Christie in early days of her career. She joined the Royal Shakespeare Company making her stage debut and her acting career progressed steadily. A request for help by her friend who had difficulties in effective communication became an important milestone for Mellinger and she decided that she wanted to teach people the art of effective communication. Having started coaching over 15 years ago, Leonie Mellinger achieved great success in a very short time and bid her acting career farewell. Training the senior executives of many leading companies worldwide, Mellinger stops by Istanbul, too, a few times a year and it was here that we met her while she was giving training in the city, and had a pleasant talk on effective communication.
How did you start teaching effective communication?
Actually, I am an actress by trade. I attended the Central School of Speech and Drama in London. I performed in “Sons and Lovers”, a drama adaptation of D. H. Lawrence’s book broadcasted on the BBC in 1981. It was a great start for me. I co-starred in “Memoirs of a Survivor” in the same year with Julie Christie. Later, I joined the Royal Shakespeare Company, my first professional experience on stage. I was enjoying a wonderful acting career, playing interesting characters, and I thought I would be an actress for the rest of my life. Then one day, I realised I wanted to do more. I decided that acting alone for the rest of my life wasn’t going to make me happy. I thought, I have to find another field where I can put my skills to good use. At that point, someone asked for my help with a difficult speech and I helped them. I realised there could be other people who needed this kind of help and I thought “maybe, in addition to acting, I can teach people the art of effective communication”. I had no idea it would become so successful.Gradually, I found myself teaching more and coaching a greater number of people and the acting took a back seat. I realised however, that I had started teaching a skill which I didn’t have myself as an actress, because what I teach now is the art of performing yourself, while in acting, you assume a different character. So I trained myself before teaching other people. I began analysing, observing people, trying to understand what made them appear comfortable, confident and when they looked most genuine.
Why is Effective speaking important?
I believe communicating effectively is a skill that everyone can and should acquire. In the early days, people were taught how to make presentations I say this: “I will teach you how to stop presenting and start talking”. Even if you are in front of a large group of people, you shouldn’t be presenting, you should be speaking. But speaking confidently and naturally in a difficult setting under pressure is a skill. This is what I teach. I teach people how to talk with impact to one person, to a group of people sitting around a table or to larger audiences. People come to me for various reasons. Some people simply need feedback on themselves. It is not easy to get accurate feedback, so it is difficult to know the impact you’re making.You know what you think and feel inside but the way you are received could be vastly different. There may be big mistakes. You may inadvertently cause people to feel anxious. For this reason, my job is usually to hold a mirror to people and say to them “so, this is you” and ask: “Did the person you see in the mirror surprise you or were you expecting this”? Afterwards, I try to show them what they can do to unleash their potential to its best in every situation. I teach people skills that will help them express themselves to the best of their ability. I am not advising people to act like someone else. On the contrary, I want them to reveal themselves. However there is a choice as to who you want to be. At times you have to be a confident professional, at other times warm and approachable or sometimes the tougher you. In fact, it is all you but you will have to choose the appropriate persona for different situations. I begin by helping people with their personal impact. Afterwards, I teach them how they can compose their thoughts in their mind without having to put them on paper and how they can establish an emotional connection with the audience.
How did you start coaching in Istanbul?
I visited Kalkan a few years ago and I fell in love with Turkey. I bought a house in Kalkan. I wanted to spend more time in Turkey. Filiz Yelkenci Altınoğlu, whom I coached before, contacted me asked if it would be possible to work with me. And I thought it was a great idea, so I trained her to deliver my coaching. Now, she is in Istanbul, training people and I come here very often to coach. I come here at least three times a year.
We feel safe when we are with our family and friends. Why do we sometimes feel uneasy when talking around other people?
I refer to every situation other than having a comfortable conversation with your relatives and friends, as an unnatural situation. When you’re put in the spotlight and you feel there there are expectations of you, it is stressful. Your mind starts to race in an interview for promotion or a job, while talking to your boss or when talking to a group of people. We don’t think how we should talk when we are with our relatives and friends. You have to learn how you can communicate in situations where you don’t feel comfortable. This is not only necessary for business life, it is a life skill. Your communication with your family, friends and acquaintances will also benefit from you learning this skill.
Could you tell us about your training process?
In the first place, they come for two days. This is followed by a third meeting three months later. Day 1 is all about teaching them the skill of effective communication. All day long we shoot videos and do exercises. We focus solely on the person. On the second day, I show them how to structure content and bring it to life. We discuss questions regarding the audience,where they are as well as where we want them to be. I teach them a preparation process they can use in their one to one meetings, job applications, or during big meetings. Then, I ask them to try putting what I have taught them into practice. When we reconvene two or three months later, I observe the progress they have made. Later, we work on many different scenarios. Often times, usually before important events, they come to rehearse and refresh what they learned before.
Some people are born with this skill…
Very very few… I believe everyone would benefit from taking time to observe themselves. You cannot get proper feedback by any other means, because it is too personal, people will not give it. Even if they’re ready to help you, they might not know what they can say to help you. Sometimes, people fail to comprehend what “impact” means. Sometimes people come to me and say that the people they talk to tell them “you make us feel uneasy”. Or someone else complains: “people think that I don’t listen to them or I don’t care about what they say but it’s not the case. I do listen to them”. I help them understand the messages they give out that make such an impression. Because none of this is about the reality of you, it’s all about the perception of you. Many problems may arise if you cannot ensure the perception is the one you mean to give.
Do you think it is possible to begin developing effective communication skills in childhood?
I mainly work with senior executives. I coach many successful people, for whom you’d normally think success wasn’t possible without having this skill to begin with. When I started this 15 years ago and told people that I taught effective communication, people laughed at me, whereas today, everyone who hears what I do asks: “please tell me more, I need this”. Look at a wonderful speech made in the past. If it was made today in exactly the same manner, people would ask “why is he talking this way”? Because people’s way of communicating has changed. Now there is an understanding that the manner in which you communicate really matters. I believe this skill will be taught in schools in the very near future because it is essential. People with superior communication skills will be more successful regardless of their line of business. I therefore believe that this skill should be taught in childhood. Today’s children grow with technology. They don’t go out to play anymore. They sit before their computers and communicate on facebook. Therefore, they don’t learn certain essential life skills. That’s why I believe children today will need to learn these skills even more than the adults I currently work with.
What is your client profile? Is it always businessmen who ask for your help?
Not always actually. One time this person came to me who had to talk at a funeral. He didn’t want his feelings to prevent him from talking. Although I usually work in big cities, anyone who needs such training may apply. A couple sent me their son, who had failed in job interviews despite having graduated from university with a very good degree. There are people who come to me for various reasons.
What is the first step to effective speaking in your opinion?
I believe there is a very important point, which people don’t bother thinking about much, and it is the emotional impact they have on other people. Take a business meeting for instance. You apply for the job and –even if you are technically the perfect fit for the job – the person you’re talking to also is affected by the impact you make with your body language, voice, expressions and words. If the impact you have on the listener is not good, then he/she will persuade themselves you’re not a good candidate for the job. In contrast, you are more likely to get the job if you make a warm and confident impression. I think the most important part is to decide what kind of impression you want to make. Sometimes, when you enter a store, the attitude of the sales person makes you leave the store immediately. Other times, the sales person makes you feel so good, you find yourself buying things that you didn’t plan on buying.
You work with big companies, don’t you?
Yes. I work for BP, PriceWaterhouseCoopers, National Grid, and many more big companies. Generally, I work with senior executives.
Are you planning to write a book?
I feel very bad about this. Many people ask me about this. I have sufficient material to write a book. Everything I teach comes from my personal experience. So far I haven’t had the chance to write one, but I must write a book at some point.
Do you coach in other countries as well?
Yes, I travel very often. The USA, Mexico, Jamaica, Amsterdam, Dublin… I travel the world. Many people contact me through my website www.mellinger.co.uk
Have you had any interesting incidents while teaching?
I was training a particular gentleman, once. I knew he was a very kind and warm person but his face did not reveal it at all and it was very difficult to guess what he was thinking. When I told him he said: “Now I understand why my wife was so surprised when I proposed to her. Actually, I thought it was so obvious. Now you said it, I can understand her reaction. How could she tell”?
Making small talk with people has always been difficult for me. Do you have any advice about this?
First of all, I don’t think you should be making small talk with people. I deal with having real conversations. Talking about this and that actually means that neither party has a genuine interest in being there, having that talk. What you should do is ask the other person questions about themselves. That way you can begin a real conversation. Finding common points and having an interesting conversation will be more likely if you ask questions about his/her family, where they live and things he/she does.
Do you plan on going back to your acting career?
Actually, I bumped into my former agent in London recently and I told her that I would like to act again occasionally. She was very happy and wanted to represent me again. I am very busy and it will be very difficult, but at the moment, my agent is searching for potential projects.
